Usually when you get a some emails in your spam folder you just press delete and that's it. I love to click reply and see how things develop. Why? Because every second spent with me is a second not spent with someone naive.
It all started a week ago when I received an email from a guy called Amudu Giga. The cool thing was they sent it as an image to (probably) pass through the spam filter (scavengers are evolving) but this one got sent to Spam anyway. Since he made the effort to send me this:
I just had to engage in a conversation with him which culminated last night.
He forgot to add million which I thought was cute so i replied like this:
“Hey Amudu,
I have been trying find your name on a lottery winners web site since having so much money is extraordinary but I haven’t been able to so I think you must be some kind of businessman.
How can I be of assistance?
Yours truly
Ivan ”
He replied that he would like to talk to me on the phone since discussing these things would require a lot of concentration bla bla bla. He then started talking about God, his business, his inheritance and other random things which in total was a 3 pages and 1200+ words essay about a hundred other random things.
But in the end he asked me for some personal information which I, after telling him that I have trouble paying my phone bills and suggesting to use Skype, happily provided as you can see below:
“Here are my details:
Full Name: Ivan Prdac JR
Age: 33
Occupation: Mostly comic book drawing but from time to time I hunt whales
Possition: Mostly on top (of the deck)
Telephone: The bastards stole my phone so I have nothing at the moment to be called on
Country of Origin: The peoples republic of Croatia
Peace out
I”
My surname, Prdac, means fart in Croatian but what does he know :)
He replied again informing me that it was now time to apply to the bank to get our funds which we would share equally with all expenses covered by both of us, again equally (and you had lost faith in humanity). He once again asked me to call him on the phone so I had to reply with this:
“My dear friend and truly amazing human being sent from God Amudu,
I can’t call you because I lost my phone. But you can reach me pretty much any time on this phone 00385 1 45 64 555
This is my work number which I unfortunately can’t use for private purposes but I am sure this won’t be a problem for you.
I am awaiting your call
Ruf an
Prdac”
I gave him the number of the Croatian National Bank. They know money so I guess they would have no problem accepting his :)
Then things started to get interesting, I was contacted by a bank agent who sent me a form to fill out. The form had a bunch of questions about my dead relative (that was the first time I heard about my late something R.T. Karacic who lived in Togo).
In the meantime I informed Amudu that I have quit my job and bought a ship to hunt whales again. I even offered him the position of first mate but for some reason he never responded to this.
I informed Amudu that I got a bunch of questions from the guys which looked like this:
Amudu sent me the answers and I relayed them to the bank executives along with my ID
I even wanted to show them how much I respect their help so I sent them also a little message
“To whom this is of concern.
I am attaching my ID for you here.
Thank you for helping me finally finishing this. My family had a lot of problems the last few years and since my second divorce I am living in my best friends garage.
He always told me how he was better then me. Look who will have the last laugh now!!! Hahahaha!
Thank you again.
K-man”
A day later they informed me that I forgot to attach another document so I sent them some kind of transaction certificate Amudu gave me and casually mentioned that I am not only in the whale hunting business
“Hey,
I am terribly sorry for messing up question 9.
I have attached the deposit certificate as well. I hope this is all you need right now.
Did you know that I bought a whale hunting ship? I am going to set out to see in 2 weeks.
Would you like to receive a candle made out of whale fat? They are really beautiful and I can even add a custom message on it. You would of course have to provide me with the words but I would do the drawing.
Thanks again for your patients, that’s something my father never had. Maybe that’s the reason why he left us when I was a child. Anyway, I won’t lose my patients. I promise.
Ivan”
At this point I had them! Everything was ready for the final step. I would just have to make a small payment of $2260 to cover some kind of fees and we can start the money transfer.
Lucky for me, I now have a boat so I could bring them the money directly
“Hey!
Thanks for the message. What a lovely coincidence. Do you remember the whale ship I was talking about. I am currently in the port of Lagos in Niger and can make it to Lome in about two days with the ship.
There is no need for this pesky Western Union or Moneygram thingy. I’ll just stop by your bank and we can directly take care of the transfer there. You can just take the money from my account.
Don’t tell your boss but I might throw in a few dollars in for you as well. And no worries, the whale fat candles are still on. Just let me know what you would like inscribed on them.
See you in two days my friend.
Godspeed”
I sent the same thing to Amudu informing him that we can meet in 2 days and since I already caught a whale he will get his candle as well! I love my life and the act of giving!
As every story, this one has to come to and end as well. I think Amudu caught up to me because this is what I received last night:
“I read your mail. I understand that you’re a stupid idiot. I’m trying to find a serious person to replace you”
Game over!
I sent him one last mail telling him how much I care for him. I ended the mail with
“Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I will be forever yours
Ivan Prdac ”
I also sent him a picture from my boat which I would have never bought if it wasn't for him.
This kind of thing involves a minute or two per day on my end and is really helpful in boosting my creativity so I guess I might do this for the foreseeable future. As I said, every minute spent with me is a minute less spent with someone who might believe this shit.
Until next time,
Stay positive